Tuesday, September 30, 2008
In keeping with Congress not using the plane to bail out of since it was defeated, the CEO's of the banks and corporations that lost all these billions of dollars need to get out of the U.S. now themselves. It seems they are to blame for the amount of $ they got when they left and left the company in shambles. Seems these guys aren't too smart. Just because they call it a golden parachute, doesn't mean it really works. Didn't the weight throw you off a bit?
We are not sure who had a worse day. Even thought the Dow was down 777 points, John McCain’s poll numbers dropped almost as much it seems. We guess the other Republicans really don't like him. They are giving the gig to Obama this way.
It struck us as odd that it was supposedly the Republicans who caused the defeat of the needed Rescue Package in the House today. For as long as we can recall, when it came to doing something that they usually do, supporting something that they know is definitely for the RIGHT people.
Boy, it's getting harder and harder to really pick one item of Bush's Presidential legacy that qualifies him as one if not the worst President we ever had.
Who doesn't remember the replica of the guy who cost the Cubs the last playoffs by interfering with a Cubs player trying to make a catch? No one got to see the aftermath, like the bullets holes, knives and arrows weren't enough. Did they really have to use the especially well placed plunger which is a very special NYC interrogation technique. At least he's at a bar drinking and able to sit a bit...BOTTOMS UP! Ahhhh...the memories!!!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Hopefully Congress will eventually agree on a financial plan to save the economy. Since it is going to cost the average American a small fortune, all of Congress will secretly be given parachutes. As usual, they won’t agree on anything, like what is the best country for them to bail out over and save their asses. OK, admit it, how many of you are sitting there going...Oh, I get it, a BAIL-OUT plan.
You notice how some Chinese people try to speak English and screw up the L’s and the R's like in “you want flied lice”. We can't wait till one of these stuffy serious news guys sticks a mic in front one of a Chinese person and asks "Who are you going to vote for?” "Sweet and sour?..15 minute.” The reporter asks again, "Who are you going to vote for as President?" Than comes the answer he didn't expect. "Ohhh", he goes loudly, “Plesident”. “I vote the Balack one; you know Balckie Obam or Balack Obama-san...President Balack...the one who like me talk good.”
Presidential nominee Barack Obama was with reporters watching Chairman Bernanke and Secretary Paulson go into great detail and very intricate economic policy and formulas for the country to get out of this economic mess. Well, when it was over, the reporters asked Senator Obama what he thought. Obama turned around with this blank stare on his face like a man who just saw a ghost and kept mumbling these words, as he walked slowly out of the room...
“What you talkin bout congress, what you talkin bout congress.”
WAMU is the biggest bank to fail in US history. Well that's only because George stayed back home. He let his brother Harry go to college and than to war so poor George was left in Bedford Falls to run the Building and Loan. Run it he did, when Sam Wainright came through with that 20 G's, George took it and invested in some start up company named the Edison General Electric Company and the rest is history. WAMU can thank George Bailey for being the biggest US bank failure in history.
If this economic plan works, Senator Obama is already lining up to take credit for it. After all who else can claim that he's the leader that got
the country's pride and economy back to an area where he thinks it will operate the best. Just as long as he's there to keep it running profitably or in the
black, we believe.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
We though this past week’s Saturday Night Live opening sketch was hysterical. We didn’t think she had it in her, but she pulled it off, excellent and funny. Who would have ever thought that Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin could do that good of an impersonation of Tina Fey!
We are beginning to think that John
McCain and Sarah Palin are playing and enjoying their
nicknames a bit too much. For example, when Sarah Palin was
returning John McCain's phone call to accept his Vice
Presidential offer, we hear it went something like this:
Hi, yes Sarah Palin calling For John McCain.
McCain: Hello
Palin: Maverick is that you?
McCain: So you going to be my rear or not?
Palin: OK Mav, I've made up my mind.
McCain: Talk to me Moose.
Palin: Maverick, this is Moose 3, remaining candidates are buggin out.
Maverick: Tomorrow, Moose, you will be on the front page of every newspaper in the English-speaking world, even though the other side denies you’re qualified. Congratulations!
After Steve Jobs had his “Let's Rock” presentation on September 9th, the stock has fallen heavily everyday. We think it is time for Steve Jobs to hold another presentation, roll out his blue screen and put up the words: The reports of my stocks worth have been greatly exaggerated.
Hi, yes Sarah Palin calling For John McCain.
McCain: Hello
Palin: Maverick is that you?
McCain: So you going to be my rear or not?
Palin: OK Mav, I've made up my mind.
McCain: Talk to me Moose.
Palin: Maverick, this is Moose 3, remaining candidates are buggin out.
Maverick: Tomorrow, Moose, you will be on the front page of every newspaper in the English-speaking world, even though the other side denies you’re qualified. Congratulations!
After Steve Jobs had his “Let's Rock” presentation on September 9th, the stock has fallen heavily everyday. We think it is time for Steve Jobs to hold another presentation, roll out his blue screen and put up the words: The reports of my stocks worth have been greatly exaggerated.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Americans can't seem to catch a break lately. It's hard enough dealing with the economy, gasoline prices and home foreclosures. Now, with a chance for a pretty, attractive and desirable woman to be our next Vice President, it isn't guaranteed and not fair. America deserves a sexy woman like Sarah Palin as Vice President after we spent the last 8 years getting screwed by Dick Cheney.
Within three days, it seems America now knows just about everything there is to know about Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin. We know her daughter is unmarried and pregnant. Her oldest son is on his way to Iraq in the military and her youngest is a child with special needs. She has 5 children overall. Her husband is just a normal guy with a commercial fishing business and he works for BP Oil. She is a self- professed hockey mom, an all-star basketball player who made the winning shot for the championship on a broken ankle. She likes to snowmobile, something about moose pie we couldn't listen to and eloped when she was 24 to her now husband Todd. She switched from being a Roman Catholic to Pentecostal and now seems to go mainly to non-denominational services. Finally we know her nickname is 'Sarah Barracuda' for her tenaciousness, earned after the basketball game mentioned above.
In regard to Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden, we have had an extra week to learn all about Joe, his family, wife, religion, kids, etc. It's been tough, we found out he is a Senator from a tiny piece of property called Delaware and has a really bad hair cut or comb-over, whatever it is. Ummm, oh yeah, he accepted the nomination even though he said he didn't want to be Vice President in a TV interview. Yup, seems about equal. Well, only when you have a female candidate it is.
Sarah Palin is tough on crime from outside the borders of the country and her state. With Russia only about 20 miles or so away form Alaska across the Bering Straight, she considers it a real threat to their security and especially for their wildlife, which includes the state's mascot, a special moose. Many times she has captured international spies Boris and Natasha, sneaking over to get that moose (oh yeah and that squirrel too). When you have a national treasure such as Bullwinkle as your State's Moose, she does everything to protect him from Local 813. The villains, thieves, and scoundrels union.
We get a kick out of John McCain calling himself a Maverick. If memory serves us correctly, didn't John McCain's plane crash? John, you may have been having a senior moment which is OK. Maverick is alive and well as you are, but never crashed. OK once, but wasn't shot down and his best friend Goose got killed when his hatch didn't blow open. Which sucked for Anthony Edwards who played 'Goose' but landed a prime gig with ER and The Revenge of the Nerds movies. More importantly, due to Goose's untimely passing, we were introduced to the relatively unknown cutie pie and luscious Meg Ryan as Goose's widow. He was never a POW, but wouldn't engage until Goose talked to him. After that, he became Maverick again, the non-POW and called back to the ship that the Migs were buggin out. So you see John, you never made it back to the ship but you did spend 5 years in hell. The other Maverick also spent his time in hell, trying to keep a secret and actually being a Scientologist. So thank you John McCain for the time in hell as a POW, at least you aren't an alien from a different planet brought here by XENU.
Please, if the country was ready for an alien President, we already have Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It is the end of summer and no matter where you are, if you listen closely to the wind, it carries a distinct voice, maybe a message. The sounds of this somber, sobbing voice full of sorrow glides through the night air like a stealth bomber making a bombing run over Iraq. Soon you will realize the voice and the unmistakable regret. It's Hillary Clinton. She's crying and saying over and over: "Why wasn't I a Republican, I coulda been a contender, That would have been me up there accepting the Vice Presidential nomination instead of unrolling Bill's socks and washing his poo poo undies, I'm Hillary and forgotten, Right now I'm a nobody, Just a bum from Chappaqua in a pantsuit, I coulda had class, I coulda been somebody, It was you Obama, it was you".
(Editors notes: Our apologies to the reputation of Marlon Brando and the fine actors in that classic film, On the Waterfront, for certain liberties that were taken.)
The Dallas Cowboys are very worried that their starting quarterback might not perform up to par due to his romance with Jessica Simpson. Our advice for Tony Romo is simple. Stick it out. Remember the last time a famous athlete was involved with a blond and their relationship ended. If you recall, just think about the last time someone broke up with a person who also had the last name of Simpson.
It is so refreshing to know that the Stock Market was down over 340 points today on the Dow Jones average. Banks are closing, more write-offs ahead and shareholders losing their retirement funds, houses and all of their savings. It's comforting to see that even with all that's going on, the lead news story on most of the major news reports tonight were VP nominee Sarah Palin's 17 year old pregnant daughter. The party's surprise how a Republican mother let her own daughter have premarital sex happen in her own home. (Lightning strike.) The horror, the horror.
(Editors note: Once again apologies to the reputation of Marlon Brando for his work in Apocalypse Now.)
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Labor Day Weekend, 2008
Have a Happy and Safe Labor Day Weekend from TDJR!!!
 Missed some laughs? Go back to The File Cabinet Archive here! |
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