In the continuing drama of "Nightmare on Wall Street",
last we saw Ben 'The Butcher Bernanke' cleaning off his
cleaver after his massive cut of 50, in an attempt to
satisfy the blood thirsty crowds calling for a cut of
any kind. This marks a long awaited period where the
cutting had been silent for many a full moon. Until this
Halloween, Return to Wednesday, the 31st.
Inspired by his predecessor, Alan "The Axe" Greenspan
who wrote a book telling of something. I didn't read it
but it brought the taste of a fresh cut back to the
Butchers hairy, bearded mouth. With that unquenchable
taste for fresh cuts in his mouth, are the voices in his
head real and shouting again for more? Once again he
raised his mighty Fed cleaver. WHOP, he cut off only 25
this time to keep the voices quiet, to help quench the
taste of a cut, to do the right thing only to find out
that the cut didn't work. The cut was meant to help some
in certain areas that needed the fresh chance that only
the Butcher could bring. Instead, it has seemed to help
other areas not in need and left the others still
clamoring for more. What will happen next...is Ben
sharpening the cleaver? Is he hanging it in the mystery
woodshed? Is it behind the one door in the house that
you are not allowed to enter but you know you will
anyway? What about the return of the married deadly duo,
"The Clinton Killers"? It appears we will have to wait,
for the next episode of
"Nightmare on Wall Street"
I admit that today I actually caught the new live version
at 5 pm EST of the ‘Fast Money’ show. I was honestly
surprised and liked it. I think live TV can be very
captivating, enjoyable and real. It also did not have
the Mark Haines and Erin Burnett pile of papers in their
hands about what’s going on. Mark somehow always forgets
his papers and gets to look down over Erin's shoulders.
Why can't they get a mini-cam on that shot. Woo-hah.
While on the subject of Mark Haines in the morning, he is
a helluva interviewer and never lets the ‘experts’ off
the hook with a non-answer answer. OK, besides my
admiration for his style and sense of humor, it seems
that he has an awfully great schedule. You never know if
he is going to be on and some days when he does show up,
he is just "Cheetos" silly. When news is breaking left
and right, all he wants to talk about is Cheetos for
breakfast. It does make for some pondering of last
night's activities. Besides all that, he's the best and
all in fun, has been the inspiration for the coining of
a new word. Undoubtedly this will be one of the new
words added annually to Webster’s Dictionary, like Googling was. Mark Haines, we stand and salute you
for inspiring the word,
‘anchorholic’.
Miraculously, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case of the Exxon Valdez oil spill. Not the oil spill itself that fell on one guys shoulders but rather the 2.5 billion dollars that big business Exxon was ordered to pay for the clean up. The Supreme Court saying that was too high.
Honestly, until this point, the only thing I though that was too high was Captain Hazelwood. I do blame Hazelwood, even though he was acquitted of most charges. As a person with a Masters Captain license, he should have definitely known that scotch, water and oil do not mix. So while Hazelwood was getting tanked in his cabin, the other guys drove the tanker aground. Exxon should have had as good of a co-pilot as they do lawyer. On the positive side, I did hear that some of the most real wildlife oil paintings came from this. Some just looked so real.I wonder if this had happened today, would the new course of containment be any different. Well, if you watch CNBC, you see commercials for Flomax. A drug that helps with nighttime leakage and daily flow all the time seems like a great idea. Bring in a hundred barrels of Flomax and drop it near the tanker where the oil is flowing out. Get it, Flowing out…it’s perfect. If only they would ask us here at TDJR. We can, because we care. I was so surprised to see how excited the Chinese were to see Warren Buffet. I mean weren't they the ones who started all these $13.99 lunches with tray after tray of Chinese and other types of food. A real buffet. I don’t understand one bit. What's next? Calgon isn't some ancient Chinese secret?
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
An analyst on CNBC recently compared the sub-prime unsold home housing mess as like a snowball rolling down a snowy hill, getting bigger and bigger all the way down. That's bad true, unless you're an Eskimo. Once the rolling stops, you have now got yourself quite a nice bigger igloo in the nicer part of town, where all the good blubber is!
Amazon came out with quadruple earnings after today’s bell but fell over $10 in after hours trading due to fear about their margins. So it was Amazon.com and Amazon.
Regarding Amazon, Cramer on Mad Money tonight, looked like he killed one of his 4 Horsemen of Tec, Amazon.com. I had the sound off, so I didn’t hear his personal thought on it. It did remind me of that wild and extremely well done ground breaking music video “Talk Shows on Mute” by Incubus. The band and the Hyena were amazing. I actually have the video here if you would like to see it.
Oil actually fell below $85 today. It was wonderful, especially when I saw my neighbors tell me they were going to take advantage of this and go on a little vacation. Dad was yelling "get everything in the minivan, pillows, blankets, DVD’s, snacks. Feed the pets until your brother gets over to feed them for us". It was cool, they are all excited, singing, packed and start backing out of the driveway, waving and I yell, "So where are you going"? Dad replies, “Around the block, I did say that all we could afford was a short vacation…but watch the house for us"!!!!
After a rather disappointing day at the market, it wasn’t a double coupon day. I came home and saw for the first time this TV show: How I Met Your Mother. Apparently it’s a sitcom about parents telling their kids all the stories of how they met etc. Personally, I can’t wait for the spin-off, How I Divorced That Cheating Little Whore Mother of Yours. One has to think the custody battles, crying kids in foster care, Dad turning to drink, mom on pills and on the gardener (I’ll wait for you). Has to be a lot more interesting than Doggie Howser being the guy who has all the moves to pick up women and just recently admitted he was gay. I know you have to suspend belief but that’s a toughie….no Doogie, that’s a girl!
I turned in to watch Fast Money for the first time recently at their new time slot and I was shocked! What happened to the Fast Money guys with the stupid nicknames? It shouldn’t be called Fast Money; it should be ‘Fast Turnover'.
Fast Money has kind of turned into this new age game show where all the 4 contestants know their questions in advance and Dylan Ratigan by that time of day must be on so much coffee. He talks as fast as a speed freak. He just about poses the question and he moves on to the next one. It really seems like a Saturday Night Live Sketch (watch, now it will be, well known borrowers). It is like a modern day edition of What’s My Line with Dylan going 10 down Jeff Mackey. (Kitty Carlisle wasn't available due to a sudden and recent onset of death). Only difference is I think the lines might be going somewhere else? Dylan, have you been buying Columbian commodities?
(Head ED note: He claims that years ago he went to rehab for an unspecified problem. He says something to do with cooking oil. Anyway, while there, he met a 19 year old pretty girl who made her fortune selling top quality cocaine to the traders during lunch times. Apparently she didn’t sell it all or she wouldn't be in rehab! Anyway, after leaving rehab, the good news is she does not do that anymore and is now a stripper somewhere on Long Island. If that is no longer true, look for her behind Rick Santelli one morning with those wired guys from the Chicago Merc. No one can be that wired living on brats and beer before noon.
I cannot believe there are only 2 of the 4 original experts left on the show. I guess now they are “Half Fast?”
Why is CNBC losing all their good looking people presumably to Fox? First Liz Clayman, and now, a gentleman, who is extremely good looking, fit and well coiffed. One who looks just as good in his $200 Alex Rodriguez type jeans as Alex does. Of course, it’s Eric Bolling. Eric was the go to guy on ‘Fast Money’ during the show and also during the trading day when something big happened. Eric was always camera ready. Hey, it takes a real man to admit another man is attractive and probably smells really good too!
Ok, this is getting out of control. How low can it go? I am not talking about the Dow; I am referring to Davy Jones pride and self worth. OK, being a Monkee is cool and you got to do what you got to do to survive but please read a script first. His new Gorilla Trades commercial has hit a new bottom in selling out. I thought Mr. Never sell out Elvis Costello was bad enough. Now, even with selling out with his wife, Diana Krall’s listening to Jazz commercials for Lexus, that still isn't the bottom. Davy, that twinkle in your eye is now a dollar sign when you sing and say this (from memory):
Than I saw that trade
Now I’m a Gorilla Believer
and
I'm a trade believer
and a stock picking King
And than, Oh God no, he says:
“Don’t trade like a Monkee, trade like a Gorilla!
Someone please pass the puke bucket. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without the deep voiced announcer guy at the end making it official and believable:
“Gorilla Trades where intelligent people invest”.
OK, this is why young actors and actresses have hard times growing up…seeing what their future holds. Davey, why don’t you go make friends with Vince Neil or Leif Garrett (harsh I know). The most well known person from all Donald Trump’s ‘The Apprentice’ shows isn’t any of the winners. No, it’s CNBC reporter, Rebecca Jarvis who was a 4th place finisher on ‘The Apprentice’. Not only that, as far as we know, she doesn’t even have to call him ‘Daddy’.
Regarding Apple and its new product Leopard, Steve Jobs has to be wondering to himself if a Leopard can indeed change its stocks.
On Friday, October 19th, the Dow Jones dropped
367 points. The only other number that is getting so
bad, so quickly is the point spread for the NY Jets each
week.
It was going to be Chad Pennington's negative quarterback
rating but the guy already lost his starting job this
week. See, we aren't complete heartless bastards!
The interview with President George W. Bush and Maria Bartiromo was called just that. Kind of boring name, they need me to juice things up. How? Get Don King to get in there and promote this thing like a Heavyweight Title Match. Even get that Michael Buffer guy to look at Dubai and say, ‘Are you ready to stumble?' In typical Don King style, it would be available on pay per view with the always catchy nickname: The Money Honey vs. The Money Dummy.
Actually this has been a very interesting week for our very own Maria Bartiromo. She hosted the Columbus Day Parade in New York which impressed President Bush greatly. He could not believe that a person of Maria’s stature and lineage would host the parade. It isn’t everyday you get the relative of the person responsible for the masthead and the name of a very historic ship. After all, Bush said, 'Columbus discovered America with the Nina, the Piñata and the Santa Maria Bartiromo'.
Maria B. missed a great opportunity, assuming you are on the side that agrees with the joke. With Maria’s past of flying back from China all alone with a high ranking Citigroup employee on the company jet leaving the other employees in China. I can’t say they landed in Denver, the ‘Mile High’ City, but I do know the Citigroup gentleman was subsequently fired. Now if Maria could have only got George W. to get him to take her for a trip on his company jet. Excuse me, Country jet, ‘Air Force One’ and say it was for part of the interview. I think we’d be talking impeachment right now and not global trade. C’mon Maria, you still got it girl…think!
I was watching the Republican debate the other night and the stage made it look like a huge Jeopardy set. Except if it was Jeopardy, every time one of the participants said before their answer,” Who is”, Rudy Giuliani misheard him. He thought they kept saying "whooahs". (As in whores, NY style, so I heard.) Giuliani would always jump in and say, “I got rid of them as Mayor of NY and Mayor of the Country. Now stop asking me that damn F*&$%ing question." I thought it was a nice touch that some of the candidates were allowed to come out to music of their choice. It was very fitting and appropriate when Rudy Giuliani came out to ‘New York, New York’ by Frank Sinatra. Fred Thompson had many choices with his acting career but chose the ‘Law and Order theme’ as probably the most recognizable for his entrance. But when John McCain came out to ‘The End’ by the Doors and proceeded to turn his own shoulder inside out and tie it like a pretzel, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
I do say though, watching the Republican debate, it was nice to see the party get back together and show some unity, especially lately. I think the last time I saw this kind of gathering of people who pretty much all shared the same Republican views was in 2000. Remember that unifying time, when the Supreme Court voted and gave the election to George W. Bush. What a moving moment. Almost the same in 2004 but it just wasn’t enough. Something's you just can’t count on.
Is it me or does the new Apple iTouch Nano iPod, seem like a device they show to younger iPod’s when they have to point on the iTouch iPod doll where the bad uncle iPod touched them?
I loved the look on Mark Haines face the other morning. He lit up like a kid on Christmas morning that got the new shiny bike he wanted. When he broke the news about the merger between Miller and Molson Coors, you could almost see him tasting it. Better yet was him saying on the air, I have got to get a friend over there.
Oh yeah, It was about 10:30am-11am. Early even by my
standards, well not really
I happened to catch a little of the new sitcom
‘Cavemen’ on TV the other night and admittedly was
ashamed at myself. I can’t believe I made such an
error in judgment. All this time, I thought they
were ‘Neanderthal Man’ but in reality they are the
'NoChanceAtAll Man'.
A lot of musicians, athletes and actors have done embarrassing things for money over the course of their careers but I have just seen the new all time worst. What is Davy Jones thinking with that Gorilla Trades Commercial?? Singing, ’Than I made that trade, now I’m a believer’. Wait, it gets worse. He than says something to the sort of when it comes to my money (or stocks, whatever) I don’t MONKEE around. That’s why I use Gorilla Trades. I never thought I would want to see fat ugly people jumping on their desks again making bad chimp sounds and actions again. (I refused to use the word MONKEE). What song is next: Day Trade Believer? I never thought I would look at Peter Tork and say…there goes the not dumbest Monkee anymore!
Well, hurray and thank God, the pre-season is over with. I never thought it would end. Finally, its time for the actual earnings season to get started.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Google says it is serious about its plans to come out with the G-Phone. The only problem holding it up is that men are having a problem finding the G-Spot, which is the little button that turns it on.
China is still leading the world in importing of heavy metals such as copper, zinc, nickel, lead and even tin and aluminum. Some of them may have even reached all time highs. This is fine, China wants to buy all these metals, good for them. Can someone please explain to me why they are giving back all the lead for free in kids toys?
Our favorite network CNBC has admitted that the increase in on-air exposure of Trish Regan is done for a very good reason. Not only is she smart, talented and pretty but the real reason for her on-air time going up is due to a breast replacement procedure. Trish Regan's replacing Liz Clayman's. No small job!!!
Wanna see some of my other friends in costume...click me!!!!
(Woops...Head Ed Note: Once again Pun Ditty,
editor in chief apologizes for the mistake from
the graphics department. Due to the fact they
are located in a satellite office away from HQ,
a mistake was made. It seems that the Liz
Clayman picture is not correct. We have been
informed the in fact Liz Clayman has red hair.)
The new sitcom The Cavemen, based on a Geico
insurance commercial, appeared on television
last night. After its viewing, the critics don’t
give it much of a chance…..as a matter of fact
they already called it ex-stinkt!
The Cavemen producers did one smart thing by
hiring Ron Jeremy as one of the cavemen. What
made it so smart was all the money they saved on
hair and make-up since Ron Jeremy already looked
the part.
Another good thing about the timing of the Cavemen
show is that in reality they hadn’t yet reached
the Iron Age, otherwise the show would have been
axe’d already if one had been invented yet.
NASA workers were indicted for having child porn
on their government computers. Oh this is just
great news. When we finally get visited with
life from a different galaxy, it is going to be
a spacecraft full of horny alien priests.
Oh boy, do the words ’ Houston, we have a problem’
now take on a whole different meaning. Well, at
least we know now what happened to the lost Mars
Rover. What better way to lure young boys than
with the absolute coolest multi-billion dollar
toy there is on earth. All he has to do to play
with it is to make the rocket ship blast off.
With the good news of the Dow Jones going over 1400 Monday and setting a new record, not everyone was pleased. Sadly, things did not go as well on the COBS index. With the COBS sitting at up 2 which is a huge lead for them and for a couple of years. Things have not gone well lately for COBS, the ‘Children of Britney Spears Index’, which is now at minus 2. To make matters worse, the sell off was by its biggest and actual only member, symbol MOM. MOM was forced by the courts to make an insider trade to rival, symbol KFED of her 2 children, causing the complete reverse swing, which may mean the end of this complete sector.
In related news, new offerings of COCA and COHB are both awaiting their IOP dates as there is much anticipation for both the Children of Christina Aguilera and the Children of Halle Berry to become public. Unlike the failed IPO of the COTC, Children of Tom Cruise, who insisted his name goes there instead of the mothers. As soon as it opens, he can change the name to COLRH. Unfortunately, the backlash among the underwriters was such that the IPO was cancelled as no one was interested in taking all credit from the mom, Katie Holmes and starting COLRH, the Children of L. Ron Hubbard.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Vice President Dick Cheney on hearing that the
government would be involved in giving flu
shots, he stepped right up and volunteered his
services. He said all he needed was a few beers
and he'd shoot as many Americans as he could as
long as the flu vaccine fit in his shotgun.
Britney Spears in an attempt to raise money for
her custody trial, diapers and K-Fed's $20,000 a
month alimony has decided to capitalize on her
unsuccess. She is starting off with a new line
of condiments called Britney's Pickles
coming in one flavor only, 'Dull Spears'.
The NY Mets may have choked greatly down the
stretch not making the playoffs but as always,
it turns out bad news for one can be good news
for another. Any team that holds on to first
place for 135 days and than can't keep it up
for the last weeks of the season will surely get
one of the Big Parma's on board as an
advertiser next year. You know that the drug
company is sure to get the players some erectile
dysfunction products and boast how it "keeps
them playing hard!"
Congratulations to 'Squawk Box'. I believe they
had the 'INITIAL' report on CNBC before MSNBC or
CNN that the UAW reached a settlement with GM
before it spread to F...Whew.
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