Monday, November 30, 2009
Tiger Woods recent accident has really got the people at Buick upset. By having Tiger Woods as their spokesperson and promotional icon, they have spent millions to have Tiger endorse the Buick line of cars. Meanwhile, Cadillac has relived worldwide, 24 hours a day stories about Tiger always mentioning he was driving a Caddie. All of this multi-million dollar free promotion for Cadillac, all for the cost of...1 fire hydrant and a tree.!
We think it is a fair bet that no matter what the layout or distance from the tee calls for, Tiger already has his mind made up. Tiger will tee-off with only a 3 wood this year. He has made this call because now we've seen just how bad a driver Tiger really is.
Agreed that a tree is a natural hazard, but wouldn't a fire hydrant have been called a man made hazard and Tiger be awarded a free drop...of all charges?
Did you see how HOT that chick is that Tiger is allegedly canoodling with? Hey, if you are going to cheat make it worth it. Don't just put a 4 instead of a 5 on your scorecard.
In an allegedly related report, New Zealand native Steve
Williams was rushed to an Orlando, Florida hospital with assorted injuries. It
was reported that Mr. Williams suffered a concussion, multiple bruises with a
blunt object with odd strange parallel lines and delusional speak. The doctors
have admitted Mr. Williams into the Psychiatric unit for observation due
to repetitive speech. He currently considers himself a car. A "Caddie" to be
exact. Utterances like, " I'm only the caddie" and "From where I sit up here, I
say wait till the blowing stops and than nail it right in the hole" and "Do I
look white? I'm a caddie, not a white one. Are you blind?"
It has been reported that Tiger Woods may have had other
things in his head other than a golf club from his wife when he recently crashed his car
into the fire hydrant and tree. The bad news from Dubai could have gotten him a bit
angry. Dubai's
The World included Tiger's huge,
huge investment in his self-named investment. The Tiger Woods Dubai was to be one of the world's most
exclusive and elegant lifestyle destinations featuring the spectacular Tiger Woods-designed Al Ruwaya Golf Course. It has been confirmed that future plans not only for the golf course but the included 22 palaces, 75
mansions, 100 luxury villas and a high-end hotel have been put on hold
indefinitely. Poor Tiger, all he had to do to save his Cadillac, a 9 iron and
his Dubai investment was to find out in the English language that Dubai means "Don't
Buy".
Everything was going so well in Dubai with the construction
of "The World". Things started to go bad when they realized they were
running out of space and islands. They had no idea that when they agreed to let
Ray's Original Pizza buy an island that there were actually 234* different Rays
with the same claim and all needing their own special island.
*As of 2009 there were at least 234 restaurants by some
variant of that name.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray's_Pizza)
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray's_Pizza)
In order to satisfy all the "Original Rays", the developers
in Dubai were actually considering adding some made up islands around where
else...Italy and New York City.
In an apparent backlash against Christmas not being remembered
for what it truly is, God has taken a page out of the NFL's playbook himself.
God said that if they can protect the term "Super Bowl", than I want to do the
same with Christmas. With copyright pending, from now on, anyone wishing to use
the word Christmas for commercial use will not be allowed. They will now have
to call it: "The Don't Piss Me off and Forget My Kid's Birthday Anymore Day".
In addition, God also (assumption noted) laid claim to the use
and every different spelling of the word Hanukah. Not that he has a son on those
days, he just didn't want to deal with the complaining and lawsuits. With
copyright pending, from now on, anyone wishing to use the word Hanukah for
commercial use will not be allowed. They will now have to call it: "The 8 Day Oil Bargain Festival of When is it this Year Day".
Finally, yup you guessed it. God was asked to do the same with
Kwanzaa after hearing complaints that this Holiday isn't given the same equal
treatment as the other Holidays. So God once again went to his accountant, Bob
Cratchett (cheap labor is cheap labor anywhere) and filed the forms. With
copyright pending, from now on, anyone wishing to use the word Kwanzaa for
commercial use will not be allowed. They will now have to call it: "The
Holiday that Heaven Doesn't Have Any Records of Starting Day".
For the first time ever, Wall Street finally has an all Polish
ETF. It is attracting many investors, but not many from the originating
country. Many in Poland are mistaken and not at home when being informed they
have an ETF. No one told them before running off to their doctors that an ETF
is not a new sexually transmitted disease.
As a bonus to its prized employees, Goldman Sachs will be receiving
large sums of money and stocks. In addition, they are also sending a
message with it's a more meaningful time of the season gift too. All the men are
getting mans version of a thong, called the "Golden Pouch" emblazoned with the
saying, "Too Big Too Fail". Meanwhile, the women are also getting a gift. They are
receiving golden bra's emblazoned with the saying, "Too Small, You
Fail".
(Editor's Note: Sorry, but TDJR Graphics
Department refused to do any emblazoning on the pictures below - not that is
anything wrong with that.)
The self-proclaimed "Godfather of Spam" Alan M. Ralsky,
who plead guilty to fraud-related charges, was sentenced to prison time this
week. As the Godfather, the inmates at his new prison are getting ready for
him. He better be getting ready for them, cause as the Godfather, he better
learn to sing, "That Feels Good" pretty quickly.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
This prayer is apparently circulating Wall St this week. It is not a TDJR creation but written by an Anonymous party...please enjoy.
Monday, November 16, 2009
This was a rare day with the Big Board having 2 IPO's in one day. One was Rue 21, a teen based shop, whose name means "Street 21" (High School French finally pays off.) The other IPO, a .99 cent type store, should really have given second thought to going public at this time with stores named "The Undervalued Dollar General".
After being long time James Bond fans, yeah even the Roger Moore era, there was one thing in the last movie, "Quantum of Solace" that really opened our eyes. (Ok, "Quantum of Solace" has been out a while, we've been busy.) The best part of the older Bond films, other than the music, was his secret weapons. Sean Connery, let's say, would go see "Q" before his mission started. That is where 007 would get his cool secret spy gear. The Aston Martin with machine guns, ejector seat, and hubcap spinners that would slash tires etc. The buttons that were bombs, an almost GPS tracking system in the car, and unheard of at the time, a laser that Goldfinger had. (No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Finally, the winner of Wall Street's “Best Halloween Costume” was announced. The 1st place award went to the recent “Bear Market”. It's costume idea of dressing up and pretending to be a real Bull Market was ingenious. Congratulations on the 1st place award of which major bank you pick to fail. That's not all; after you pick the bank you also get all their TARP money, free and clear.
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