Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Nigerian oil workers are contemplating a three day strike and it has nothing to do with conditions or salaries at the plant. It is just that most of the oil workers have fallen behind in their letters and e-mails from all the long lost rich relatives, lottery winners and large checks they need help cashing to unknown gullible Americans.

We don't think that we have heard this many men discuss the intricacies of a bottom ever since Beyonce sang "Bootylicious".

Monday, March 23, 2009

After 8 previous years of promising victory, shock and awe threats, and
premature "Mission Accomplished" banners, it's nice and just plain feels
good that we now have a President that can admit he could not beat a Special
Olympics athlete.

AIG - We don't have any jokes, but everyone else is talking about it, so we
didn't want to be left out.

Anytime anyone happens to see legendary Texas oilman T. Boone Pickens walking
down the street or anywhere, please give him a message from us. When you pass
him, ask him subtly for us about his stupid commercials how energy from air
will be better than oil soon... just say, "T. Boone, Wow! Was it you who
passed wind"?

When George W. Bush was asked about his Presidential library and museum, he
did his best to answer. Although possibly appearing a little slurry and
wobbly, the ex-President thought and replied. "Hell, with all the stuff I
got away with and lies I got people to believe, I think it should be a
Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum", he said hysterically.

Thursday, March 19, 2009



Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Boy, Trish Regan was sporting her tight green top and lovely pots of gold for St. Patrick's Day.  All she kept repeating was that the Dow was "getting in the green".  Somehow, we were also thinking the same thing.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

This message was sent to us as a rebuttal that appeared on these pages recently about marches in protest.  In the powers invested in us by some guy Bob who called and said we have to give equal time for opposing opinions, so be it Bob.  Here you go:

With St. Patrick's Day approaching, I am very surprised at the Irish people, of which some of your staff are included.  This in regards to the Sprint telephone commercial filled with stereotypes of the Irish and not one single Irish was offended and rallied outside the Sprint offices in protest.  In this offensive commercial, attendance is being taken in a class and when they get to the name Callahan, there is no answer.  After repeated calls on their Sprint phones of course, we find out that the young Irish lad is a slacker with criminal traits already showing by cutting out of class.  So, in what could be considered an APB, an All Points Bulletin for this young man who was needed elsewhere to help his family peel potatoes for St. Patrick's Day.  Sure, might as well say it, it fits the stereotype you all were thinking.  To top it off, why not just have the boy found passed out on a law, vomit all over him, hugging one of those little green garden gnomes, muttering “where is your gold” to the tune of that Irish Lullaby, Tura-Lura-Lural.  Instead they make him overweight, trying to elude authorities and what else of all things.  Of all the things they could put in this proud young Irishman's hands?  A drink of course, a drink that he has to be partaking of when he is caught.  It does not matter what was in it.  It portrays the Irish people as lazy, overweight and drinkers.  We all know what a stereotypical image that is.  Where are the Irish people?  Where are you lads and lassies.  Your people on the proudest time of the year, proud of the homeland of beautiful rolling green grass hills, beautiful red haired, fair skinned, young ladies and the original Guinness Brewery. Tis a proud time for the Irish.  The fact that you are not out there marching, protesting and waiting for cameras to show up to actually start doing something.  Be proud of your inaction in the face of absurdity.  Let it be known that a parody, a joke, a funny or attempted cartoon is still recognized as a joke. Let us not be forgetting, the song, the song that blamed the Irish for forgetting one of God's most wondrous creatures.  Sure we remembered the green alligators and long necked geese, the humpty back camels and the chimpanzees, some cats and rats and elephants but  don't you forget my Unicorns.  Yes, that's right..."Don't Forget the Unicorn".  Well thank your Lucky Charms and hoist your green beer in a salute to young Mr. Callahan for appearing in a funny commercial and that we, the Irish people, get the joke.  May you be in Heaven a full half hour before the Devil knows your dead.  Thank you for your time and space.

"Irish" Bob

Monday, March 16, 2009

Beloved actor, director, producer and political activist Ron Silver passed away this past weekend. Initial reports say his passing was purely accidental.  What they know so far is that while listening to multi-Platinum selling band Metallica, unfortunate circumstances began. Ron and Goldie Hawn had just finished a little fooling around that ended with a nice Bronzeski.  When Ron got up to change the CD and put on Queen with Freddie Mercury, he was bitten by a Copper head snake that came in the front door by someone attempting to Steel valuable from the house. It appears Goldie did the best she could to suck the poison out.  She applied pressure, formed an X and sucked it to get the venom out. Unfortunately, her lack of First Aid Training led her to suck elsewhere. Blond remember! Police are still trying to figure out why Mr. Silver had such a huge smile on his face when found.  All from a new script entitled "The Quick and the Dead Part 2" which we guess we will never get to see.

We just saw that a warrant has been issued for Lindsay Lohan's arrest.  Oh man, the perfect specimen of a female in a woman's prison.  OK, that's it.  Can we get one of those subpoenas or warrants from that Robert Shapiro website Legalzoom or something?  We’re putting a warrant out for her too.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Just to let you know, the old soothsayer did OK for himself in the end.  Not only did he nail the day right on the money but he actually even hedged it and parlayed his original bet by taking Brutus with the points and won as Brutus did join in on the attack at the end.