UPDATE: Dead Croatian Woman NOT Found in Front of TV After 42 Years

As per the Croatian news source Javno.com, "When they got in they found the corpse of a female person on a bed in the bedroom who had moved in the flat in 1961, and she was last seen over 40 years ago".

She wasn't found in front of her TV as previously reported but boy, forget Sealy, Serta and Sterns and Foster,  we've gotta get one of those Croatian mattresses...comfy!!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

 We think the absolute stupidest thing that we have ever seen on CNBC, other than Dylan Ratigan's 'Cry Baby' hair style, is now this Million Dollar Profile contest.  The contest is great but the guy spinning and tossing the big arrow in the back is absolutely ridiculous.  How did he learn that 'skill', working nights on a construction site? We would have loved to have seen the casting ad for this part:

   Wanted: Male mid 20's, kind of nerdy, slim and tires quickly.  Must be comfortable with repetition of same activity for hours.  Skills necessary are and not limited to:  tossing cardboard arrow into the air and catching it.  Now comes the skill:  If not qualified, please do not waste our time.  Must be actually able to spin the arrow in the air and still catch it...once in awhile. Every once in a while we will need actor to have the writing on the arrow point to the host or the board where it has the game name.  Sorry, no protective eyewear.  Just hope you have better luck than last year's guy 'blinky'.  It will be necessary to catch it fancy, as on one knee, have both sides show equally as they have different messages.  Please try your best to look professional while doing this.  Breaks will be allowed when you sweat profusely or draw blood visible on the camera.  Please remember, your own natural flair and expertise in tossing and catching oversized cardboard arrow is necessary.  Please do not damage the arrow as it has to be repainted and brought back to the construction site where the building recently collapsed.  We hold no responsibility for that as this arrow was across the street.  Please bring pictures, resume and any video of assorted geometric object juggling.  Non-Union only, we’re cable, we can get away with that!

  Amy Winehouse's father said that his daughter has made him so proud that she left the hospital to perform a show despite what was originally called Emphysema from all her drug smoking.  It is now officially being called Crack Lung.  Crack Lung, that’s a new one to us.  We guess it’s her birthright when your name is Winehouse. Of course you would have Crack Lung, maybe even Beer Teeth. Oh wait, that would be hard to tell since she's from England. We know she has already been treated for heroin and hairy armpits to cover the track marks.  Rumor has it she also has Vodka Va_ _ _ _  due to wasted confusion over where to drink her vodka.  She readily admitted to having work done on her eustachian tube and rerouting it from her nose directly to her medulla oblongata, hypothalamus, and the pons which make up the mid-brain and pleasure center for the cocaine she snorts to go directly there.  Last but not least, she is somehow on the list for another liver transplant.  While she was lucky enough to receive one last year, it went to waste as when the doctors opened her up to remove the diseased, fatty and cirrhotic liver, it was too large and solidified from the cirrhosis that they needed a jack hammer and one could not be sterilized in time. The good liver actually killed itself rather than go into her body.  Godspeed Amy.  Boy, your dad must have been easily pleased on Father’s Day with your dried up lip blister that you gave him from the overheated crack pipe.   On the first day of the legal same sex unions in California, two houses were actually hit by lightning and destroyed.  We here at TDJR are not insinuating any acts of a defiant God as some of us Catholics were brought up to know him by.  A police sketch artist did come up with this rendition from nearby witnesses:

 

As per Ananova.com, The mummified remains of a Croatian woman have been found sitting in her armchair at home in front of a black and white TV set 42 years after she was reported missing.
Croatian police say Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, had apparently made herself a cup of tea and sat down to watch the television which at the time was regarded as a luxury item.
They say that would have been in 1966 when she was last seen by neighbours. They said one day she seemed to have just disappeared and they thought she had moved out of her flat in the capital Zagreb.
But police who broke in with baliffs after local authorities said they wanted to check on its ownership found her remains in the small 13 square metre (about 140 square feet) flat.
A police spokesman said: "So far we have no idea how it is possible that someone officially reported missing so long ago was not found before in the same apartment she used to live in."

Makes TDJR wonder, what make TV did she have because that sucker is good?  Most importantly, who the heck are the power and cable companies that let unpaid bills go for that long?  We miss one month and there climbing our poles doing disconnects!  Who changed her channels, even the Croatian Lawrence Welk isn't on that often?  She must have had a huge mailbox too.