Thursday, February 28, 2008
Teen star Jamie Lynn Spears has found something to smile about after her pregnancy controversy -- she has picked up a GED diploma with high marks for reading comprehension reports People.Com. Too bad she didn't know what HIV, STD or IUD stood for!
The 16-year-old
actress sister of Britney Spears is now considering her college
options, according to reports. Are there many colleges with
babysitting services?
According to reports, (OK...who are theses reports??), Jamie
Lynn Spears’ family has forbidden her to marry her 19 year old
boyfriend Casey Aldridge. Sources say (I guess the sources know
the reports) her older sister Britney Spears and father Jamie
Spears don't think it is a good idea for the teens to wed just
because they are expecting a child. Too bad they didn't forbid
her to have sex in the first place.
Anyone have any better ideas on a reason to get married? Ok, marriage statistics show that over 50% of marriages end in divorce these days so it can't be love.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Can you believe how high everything is…oil, gold and Amy Winehouse? For her singing, a song about rehab is like cops singing songs about donuts. OK...or is it like Jamie Lynn Spears singing about raising screwed up daughters?
TDJR.Com is proud of today's American technology. With all the newest and best weaponry in the world, we can’t shoot a bunch of guys riding goats in the desert firing at us with pea shooters in comparison to some of our weaponry. When it comes to shooting down something of our own, we nail the son of a gun dead on.
That explains President Bush walking around the White House with the tiny plush frog in blue jeans. Bush kept on asking to do it again so he can win the bigger purple rhinoceros.
Haven't Hillary and Obama debated enough? We would rather see the two of them read fast food menu's from their home states and see which one has the best food. Debate something we really care about.
If they are debating before the Texas primary, we want to know how the heck you can go into their local convenience stores down there and buy beers and ammunition in the same store! No wonder Texas executes so many people. It's almost as if they are selling them the Serial Killer Starter Set.
New York medical researchers have determined that people who doze at least 4 times during the day are more than likely to have a stroke. In a related study, people that watch the whole Tom Cruise Scientology recruitment video, bypass the dozing and just have a stroke or a complete internal combustion of the brain trying to follow his reasoning. We love the fact that in the video he says if you are a Scientologist and pass by an accident, you have to stop because you are the only ones who can help. He failed to mention that if you were married to a beautiful, fertile actress like Nicole Kidman and your sperm allegedly couldn't make the trip down to baby land, you might as well stop because a drunken, cowboy singer is the only one who can help.
(A Pun Ditty apology to fertile, non-Scientologist, country superstar Keith Urban, who is a recovering alcoholic country singer).
Friday, February 15,
2008
It certainly had all the makings of another Saint Valentine’s Day
Massacre, Capitol Hill Style. Yesterday, both Fed Chairmen Ben
Bernanke and Treasure Secretary Hank Paulson testified before the
Senate banking committee. In essence, all that the Senators wanted
to know was how the economy, mortgages, credit availability, banks
losing billions, etc. got so bad so fast? Well, these two bobbed and
weaved their way through tough questions from Senators from both
sides of the aisle, avoiding any direct answers. When it was all
said and done, Bernanke and Paulson left the proceedings arm in arm
like Dorothy and the Scarecrow dancing off to see the Wizard. Why
not? They admitted no real fault of their own and came out
unscathed. Dancing off into history, into what is now being called
the Saint Valentine’s Day My-Ass-I-Covered.
Thursday, February
14, 2008
It seems that Yahoo has decided to turn down Microsoft's takeover
bid. After much thought, Yahoo told Microsoft that they didn't think
it would work. They are actually still playing the field and plan to
get a refund from that liar from e-Harmony.com who says everyone
gets a match.
Secretary of the Treasury Hank Paulson said on Wednesday that he is very much in tune with Wall Street and he won't stop until it is fixed. On the other hand, if Mr. Paulson is in tune with Wall Street, that can only mean that Mr. Bernanke is tone deaf.
So, Venezuelan Dictator, we mean President, Hugo Chavez has threatened to halt oil shipments to the US. This is due to Exxon-Mobil's court victory freezing his assets until he unfreezes the US oil mammoth's own valuables. Until that time, Venezuela's chief source of income, oil, will not be able to be produced. Exxon-Mobil has promised not to give Chavez even one single OOMPALOOMPA to run the 'Chavez Bonkers and His Oil Factory'.
We get a kick out of the fact that so many major banks and brokerage houses like Citigroup, Merrill Lynch, Bear Stearns and Bank of America had to write off billions and billions of dollars. They lost all this money while making poor financial and credit decisions, mismanagement and basically having some of their top people make some really bad decisions. Sure, most of the CEO's got fired but what kills us is who lets these guys, who so valiantly almost ruined their own huge corporations, tell us what other companies are doing good or bad. They upgrade or downgrade on the other company's decisions, money management and credit worthiness. Basically, all of the things they couldn't do themselves...and the Street buys it and sells stock in these other poor companies. Isn't that like a fat guy giving diet advice?
Yesterday, the Super Bowl Champion NY Giants had a parade in NY City. It almost didn't happen. It seems some of the New England Patriot players were not taking their loss or place in NFL history very well. The Patriots were trying to stop the celebration and parade by standing on building ledges along the Canyon of Heroes and having team owner Robert Kraft push them off, landing in front of the parade. Unfortunately, just like the game, the Giants drove right through them again and again.Well, well, well! Here we are at the end of Super Tuesday. Barak Obama, who received support from Ted Kennedy, Caroline Kennedy and is a state which has an African-American Governor, Obama was a shoe in. People were so confident that one spokesperson for Obama said that when there is an African-American candidate, the Black Community comes out in record numbers. Well, move over Tom Brady and make room for Senator Obama on the train to Chokesville as Hillary Clinton won Massachusetts.
We heard today that for the New Year, China is closed for one week. Does that mean that they won't deliver either?
Why doesn't politics
adopt the same clever combining of names for people or celebrity
couples? They call Jennifer Lopez, J-Lo and it's a stretch using the
word celebrity. You can also use K-Fed for Britney's ex, Kevin
Federline. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were BenJen. Brad Pitt
and Angelina Jolie are Brangelina and, of course, Tom Cruise and
Katie Holmes are Tom-Kat. All very cute, adorable and quicker to say
and remember. We say we do the same with each party's nominees left
standing. For the Democrats you have ClinBama, than on the other
side it gets a little harder but we were able to do it, Romainabee.
Now that
the NY Giants beat the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl and
ended their chance at NFL immortality, it leaves NY with a serious
problem. It is so great to curse Boston and the region again with a
brand new hex after allegedly breaking the Curse of the Bambino.
This time it’s on New England's quarterback Tom Brady for spending
too much time in New York in the 2 weeks before the Super Bowl. He
had been seen staying at his girlfriend, supreme super model, Gisele
Bundchen's apartment in New York before the Super Bowl. The new
curse, the 'Curse of the BIMBONEYOU’ ruined their chances at history
and the game but Tom shouldn't feel so bad though. Well, maybe he
should, since Junior Seau and Randy Moss played and they spent a lot
of time in there with Tom and Giselle too.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
The NY Giants, hugh underdogs, defeated the previously unbeaten New
England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII this past Sunday. It also
confirms what a lot of us have already known and is now proven,
Manhattan Clam Chowder is definitely better than that gruel tasting
New England Clam Chowder. How the heck can we make a better clam
chowder with New York waters that fish don't even want to live in
than Boston where the supposed best seafood is?
It is going to be a long night for the Patriots and many of the
members of the Patriots organization. It seems that the Patriot’s
owner, Mr. Kraft, had thousands and thousands of preprinted
Undefeated Season t-shirts and hats made. Well, since they lost to
the Giants, he got them gallons of BIC Wite-Out Brand Correction
Fluid to use during the flight home to “white-out” the UN in
UNDEFEATED. Even though it now says 'defeated Season', it still
shows Kraft's true colors by just trying to get some of his money
back. And oh yes, he's going to jack up the prices to recoup his
Wite-Out cost.
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